


Yesterday

by fullmetalpotterhead



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, cold Marinette au, pozole cried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 05:12:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5526686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalpotterhead/pseuds/fullmetalpotterhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alya dies during an akuma attack, Marinette spirals downward in guilt. It would be better if she didn't love. Better if she didn't feel anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yesterday

It was her fault. Alya was dead and it was her fault. If she hadn't been so busy spazzing over Adrien none of this would have happened. Her best friend. Her biggest supporter. Gone.   
Everyone handled their grief differently.   
Alya's siblings, too young to really understand, cried.   
Her parents took down the Ladyblog and pulled the family into a sort of voluntary house arrest. 

Marinette got angry.   
The extroverted girl filled with optimism was gone. She started snapping at people more and more as the days past. Any little thing could set her off.   
Her parents thought it she was just dealing with the mourning process. That she'd calm down eventually.   
They didn't get it.   
Because if Alya's death was just an accident she wouldn't be so angry. But it was all her fault and if she'd paid more attention the blogger would still be alive right now. 

She blamed the world for letting it happen. She blamed the akuma for causing it. She blamed Alya for running into danger for her stupid blog. She blamed Adrien for distracting her.   
But mostly she blamed herself. 

Her walls were stripped bear of any pictures of her old crush now. Just looking at him made her feel upset and guilty and so angry.   
She burned them in a big fire in the back yard, watching the flames slowly die out until late into the night. 

Chat noticed the changes in her attitude. Tried to cheer her up even. But his flirtatious lines made her think of her old crush on Adrien and his devoted friendship made her think of Alya and she just ended up pushing him away more. Everything he did annoyed her.   
She even snapped at Tikki.   
There was no way to fix this. 

 

Half a year went by and Marinette was still bitter and prone to snap. Sabine forced her into therapy.  
Her therapist was stupid. He didn't know anything and Marinette couldn't exactly explain she why she was responsible for Alya's death. She couldn't explain she was half of Paris' favorite superhero duo. It took ten sessions for him to suggest something useful. Art therapy.   
Marinette hadn't designed or made anything since Alya's death but she found it was a good distraction. When she focused on colors and patterns and designs she could absorb herself in them. She didn't have to think about all the messed up things she'd done or said to people lately. She didn't have to think about Alya or Adrien or Ladybug or Chat. There was just work.   
She entered any and every design competition she could find. It was really no wonder she caught Mr. Agreste's interest. Soon she was his newest intern and her work ethic earned her enough of his respect to get a bit of recognition. 

Therapy had done just what Sabine and Tom had hoped. Marinette wasn't snapping at people anymore.   
She wasn't talking to them either. 

She wasn't as angry anymore. Didn't flinch away from any sign that he might touch her, but Chat could see she wasn't much better. Ladybug was withdrawn and soulless. She had no joy when they patrolled on rooftops. She kept up her job as hero but her heart wasn't in it. If he was anything but business during the fight, she'd just give him this look of resigned irritation. Several times she reminded him she could fight the akumas on her own.  
When graduation came he told her he was leaving the country.   
She didn't try to stop him. 

 

At nineteen, Marinette was one of Gabriel Agreste's most promising assistants. Between work, college and being Ladybug, she barely had time to sleep.   
She liked it that way.   
Gabriel calling her into his office wasn't unusual. He'd come to trust her opinion over the few years she'd worked with him.   
What was unusual was the fact that his desk was clear and he gave her his full, expressionless attention.   
"Please, sit." Marinette did as she was told. "We have a lot in common, you and I, and I'd like to offer you a deal." She held his gaze resolutely and waited. "I'd like to offer you a position as partner of this company."  
"Sir?"  
"I'm proposing to you, Miss Dupain-Cheng." There was a flare of something angry and frightened in her stomach at that and she began to stand. "Please don't misunderstand, this is purely business. You can benefit from the prestige of the Agreste name. It would jump start your career."  
"What's in it for you?" Gabriel Agreste didn't do favors. Especially ones as strange as this.   
"A trophy wife to play pretend with at social gatherings." She considered his offer, odd as it was.   
"I'll never love you. I refuse to kiss you or..."  
"Good. Love is for the weak. When you love, you have something to lose. Emotions are just a roadblock. My house is big enough that we need not see each other more than necessary." She studied his expression carefully. What he was offering would be a sure-fire way to kick-start her career. The world of fashion was hard to get into but with his backing...  
And hadn't she already given up on love? So what was there to lose?  
"Deal."

 

Marinette's wedding was her first fashion show. She designed her gown, Gabriel's suit, all the outfits for the groomsmen and bridesmaids (selected based on importance in the fashion industry, not on personal bias); even the caterers' attire.   
Her parents were worried. The age difference was big but most importantly it was sudden and neither party seemed to hold any fondness for the other. They nagged and questioned Marinette until she screamed at them to leave.   
They still came to the wedding.   
Tikki was just as bad. She kept trying to convince Marinette to back out but the more Marinette thought about it, the more it made sense. Marriage used to be a business agreement. It wasn't unheard of. Love had never gotten her anywhere and it all ran dry eventually. Hadn't Chat given up on her and left in the end? Or was that her fault?   
She couldn't remember.   
She didn't care.   
Her career was all that she had. It couldn't hurt her because it was whatever she made of it. So she just had to put everything into it. And she did the same as Ladybug. She was performing her duties better than ever before. Tikki had no reason to complain.   
Her smile during the ceremony was awkward and uncomfortable. Gabriel, however, was all smiles and polite conversation with the guests.   
When she asked how he did it, he told her acting was the most important tool to surviving in this lying world.   
She learns to fake her smiles in front of clients so well, sometimes she even fools herself.   
She doesn't answer when her parents call to congratulate her on her designing achievements. She doesn't need the extra baggage their love brings. 

 

It's almost disappointing when she finally finds Hawkmoth. All too quickly she's got him trapped and the stupid butterflies he keeps aren't doing anything to help him. With a sharp tug, she yanks his miraculous off and is mildly surprised to see her "husband" standing before her.   
But the surprise is quickly replaced by a sense of purpose as she turns on her heel to go.   
"Don't you have a heart Marinette? Just taking the miraculous from your husband without a word?" He knew. She paused before slowly, glancing back.   
"Aren't you the one who taught me I don't need one?" He let out a humorless laugh at that.   
"You are an ambitious one, Marinette. I see I was right to choose you. Why don't I make you an offer then? You're a girl who knows how to seize opportunities." Ladybug listened with crossed arms as the man rambled his plans for the miraculouses. Offered her a share of the glory. Same old proposition. Business partners. Both could gain something. Just like before, Marinette considered his offer.   
"No."  
"No?"  
"Ladybug's job is to protect Paris. Execute justice. This is my justice." She tightened her grip on his miraculous and left him there.   
When they saw each other again they didn't mention it.   
They were both very good at not talking about things. 

Tikki left that night. Marinette wasn't sure if she'd told the Kwami goodbye or not. She had a big show coming up. Things were busy. No one around to tell her to stop pushing so hard. Sleep more. Work less. The reminders stopped coming. Not being Ladybug freed up a good chunk of time. She'd have to find ways to fill it.   
Work was always there. 

 

Adrien returns to Paris hopeful.   
According to Nino, the akuma attacks had stopped. And his father got married to their old classmate, Marinette (something the old man hadn't bothered to tell him).   
He knew Marinette had been going through a pretty rough patch back when they were at Lycee. He hoped she was in better spirits.   
The mansion was just as cold and large as he remembered. But now there was something new. Marinette greeted him at the door with a sickly, sugary sweet smile. He'd never seen that look on her before and it reminded him of his father so much he couldn't help but shudder.   
She led him to his old room, helping carry his bags and making polite inquires about his new life.   
It sounded like she was trying to sell him something and he was more than happy to be left alone when they reached the room.   
It was weird to be back home again. He wandered past computers, rock climbing walls, and bookshelves before flopping down on his bed. His room looked untouched and he wondered if the rest of the house was like that too.   
Deciding on another trip down memory lane, he headed down the stairs to the living room. Surprisingly, Marinette and his father were already there. His father still looked as distant and cold as he remembered.   
And now Marinette did too.   
They were working, he realized after a moment of staring, hidden behind the wall. Papers, most likely designs spread out between them; constantly exchanged and marked on. A few times they ball one up and throw it out. There's no love or even friendship in the action, but a quiet and eerie air of camaraderie.   
"There's no need for you to act in front of Adrien. He's of no use to us."  
"A public face is very important, Gabriel. You have to make a good impression on everyone or you'll find yourself tripped up by something."   
Adrien felt his stomach drop at their words. Did they even feel anything?  
He spent the rest of his trip crashing at Nino's house.   
He didn't even have the guts to tell Marinette goodbye. 

 

Gabriel dies of a heart attack during one of their joint fashion shows. Marinette calmly and coolly, calls the ambulance and keeps the show running.   
None of the models or technicians realize until much later.   
Marinette had kept her polite smile pasted on through the entire show. 

She doesn't cry at the funeral either. What would be the point? Even if she did, Gabriel would have hated it. Besides, she didn't feel especially sad. Work went on. He'd died without retiring and she intended to do the same.   
The mansion was far too big for her, but it had always been like that. Now that Gabriel was gone, it actually looked lived in. Designs and notes littered every wall. She put them up at random.   
People whispered she was a gold digger. That she had never loved Gabriel.   
She supposed it was true.   
It didn't bother her.   
Logical as she was, it seemed she was still a bit sentimental. Anyone who watched her designing could hear her talking through ideas to a picture of them at a show together.   
It helped her think.   
And Gabriel didn't judge. He understood the stupidity of feeling. 

 

Sabine arrives at front door in tears. She's aged so much, Marinette barely recognizes her. She explains that Tom is very sick and going to die soon. Asks if Marinette would please take the time to visit him.   
It's been years of never returning her parent's phone calls.   
Marinette agrees.   
Her father has aged too, and sickness has made him thinner than she remembers. Still, his shaky hands engulf hers.   
"Just please tell me, are you happy, Marinette?" There's a desperation in his voice. Like his own happiness hinges on her answer and she remembers once again why loving is dangerous. Happy? What a useless wish.   
"Of course. All of my dreams came true. How could I not be happy?" Her smile is as fake as they come, but it convinces him. She supposes if that's what helps her parents sleep at night, that's all that really matters. 

 

Ladybug is back. It's a boy this time. Excitable and honest. Or, as Marinette believes, naive.   
She's a bit surprised when she realizes the starry eyed new intern is Ladybug but quickly corners him to confirm her suspicions.   
"You called me, Mrs. Agreste?" He enters her office nervously, but there's still that stupid smile on his face.  
"I'd like to speak to Tikki." His eyes widen in shock before he bursts out laughing.   
"I told you she remembered you!" The red Kwami comes out with tears in her eyes. Everyone seems to cry around Marinette lately.   
If it hurts so much, why do they keep feeling?   
Tikki talks to her for hours. Marinette doesn't know why she wanted to see her old friend again. She doesn't need friends. She doesn't need attachments. But she listens to Tikki anyways. Apparently, the boy is a lot like Marinette once was. Tikki sheepishly admits that's what drew her to the boy.   
Nostalgia.   
How strange. 

 

The new Ladybug proved to be a hard worker. His blind optimism was oddly comforting and is designs were good too.   
Marinette had no children of her own. She had long since given up that idea. Children meant a roadblock in her career. Another thing she had to care for.  
But she wanted the company to stay in the Agreste family. It seemed fitting that the successor of her title as Ladybug should also be the heir to the Agreste Empire.   
On his twentieth birthday, they signed the adoption papers to put him in the family registry.   
He cried the entire time, telling her it was such an honor. That he already considered her like a mother to him.   
He was a strange one all right. 

 

At eighty-nine, Marinette knew she was dying. Her "son" had been fluttering around her all week, trying to keep her comfortable and away from work.   
She didn't have the energy to fight.   
Tikki stayed with her whenever she could. Telling stories about old times together. About other Ladybugs.   
She felt... Loved.   
For the first time in years, Marinette let herself feel the emotions she'd kept carefully buried and for the first time in years she allowed herself to cry.   
"Oh Gabriel, we were such fools." She must be delirious, she knew, because she swore she could see Alya, and her parents, and her "husband" all around her.   
Her "son" rushed over nervously. He'd never seen Marinette like this, laughing and crying so hard she could barely breath.   
"In chasing our dreams with such single-mindedness we forgot to really live."

**Author's Note:**

> *Yesterday by the Beatles starts playing dramatically in the background*  
> It was practically written in my headcanons already and I don't know, I really like it. Its kind of a weird flow but that felt natural to me. Also I was maybe switching tenses. Who knows. It just happened man. I just let it happen.


End file.
